The Blog: My Purpose

"The man who moves a mountain begins by carrying away small stones."

-Confucius

    In September of 2019 I quit my job at Best Buy. I was a sales consultant. Phones, TVs, soundbars, car stereos; I was supposed to know the inner workings of those electronics better than I knew the back of my hand. Instead, I struggled to sell products, stumbling through a lot of "huh, that's new" moments. I admit freely that I wasn't particularly good at it. I'm not a salesman, though I've never professed to be one. It's not my style. Too stuffy. Too much oversight. I've always wanted to be free to do what I want. 

    Yet, I didn't leave Best Buy because I wanted to be jobless. Nor did I want to go into a pandemic with little money to survive on. I left for two reasons:

   

    1) I suffered from severe depression and hadn't been medicating, consequently causing a decline in my mental well being.

    

    2) I didn't understand how to deal with the stress of the job, even after working there for over a year. My mindset was all sorts of messed up.

    

    The truth of the matter is that I wasn’t just deeply depressed, I had a poor mindset; I suffered from that unholy combination. Life got worse. Well, no, that's not true. My mind got worse. I eventually called a psychiatrist to get in and get medicated, but it was going to take about two and a half months to see the doctor. Two and a half months of unadulterated hell; most of it in my mind. But what are we other than the sum of our thoughts and thought-based actions? Most days I struggled to get out of my bed. I gritted my teeth every time I talked with family. It wasn't because I wanted to be away from them. Rather, I was fighting severe irritation caused by depression. That destroys your sanity, breaks bonds with family members, hurts everything you love—if you let it. And I did. I didn't even enjoy video games or reading, two things that, if you know me, you know I love more than anything. But my mind was fuzzy. Nothing felt right.

    That's depression for you.

    But it was also the product of a juvenile mindset unable and unprepared to face its problems without panicking.

    Fast forward to about a month and a half ago, give or take. I'd been medicating for six months and was feeling good as new. I'd finished my first draft of my novel in under two months, beating my goal by a full week. Life was good. But even though I felt better from medicating, something still wasn’t right. I still got angry at random times over the most juvenile of situations; A brother making fun of me; arguing with a parent about politics or religion. It was stupid, but I felt angry more often than not. Being around my family wasn't easy. It wasn't any fault of theirs; I simply wasn't right in the head.

    Around that time I found Stoicism, an ancient Greco-Roman philosophy based around finding happiness through living a rational, virtuous life. While scrolling through youtube, I found a collection of their quotes and began a journey of self-discovery and contentment. One of the first quotes I encountered was from Epictetus, a Greek slave turned Roman philosopher:

"First say to yourself what you would be, then do what you have to do."

    It was a simple but powerful quote. I enjoyed the simplistic world view it seemed to encompass. Soon enough I found myself looking up more of Stoicism and even Taoism and Buddhism. But for one reason or another Stoicism stuck with me. You see, the basis of Stoicism is that people should live a virtuous life, meaning that their purpose should be to attain excellence of character. In order to do this, a man must be rational in his pursuit. He must see and understand the world clearly and objectively, gaining knowledge about what is and what is not. And as he rationally comes to understand the world, he must learn to be just, to be morally courageous, to master his desires and passions, and attain practical wisdom. The pursuit of these four "cardinal virtues" bring him peace of mind, understanding, and contentment in whatever circumstances he is in. 

    As I dug in, reading How to be a Stoic by Massimo Pigliucci and Marcus Aurelius' The Meditations, everything began to fall into place. I understood more what I could and couldn't control in life (this is called the Dichotomy of Control, which I’ll get into later in another post). I began to understand people better, why they got angry at certain things or why they acted the way they did. As I put the principles into action, I felt my mind healing.

    Now, my point is not that Stoicism is a cure all of some sort, nor is it going to make you eternally happy. I could never promise that to anyone. The vicissitudes of life are many. No, my point is that it helped me to cure a sick mindset. I feel better now that I take my depression medicine and because I practice stoicism on the daily. I am a better person, more understanding, and far less angry. I love deeper and better understand others. I am overall better because of it.

    In the end, the point of this blog, my purpose, my deepest desire is to show each of you that practicing stoicism is of great benefit to the human race as it has benefited me. It allows us to be rational, to understand what's happening within and without. It gives strength to the mind. And whether you're religious or not, it doesn't step on any toes. It's helpful. I wouldn't say I'm a stoic or a philosopher because of it. I can't claim that honor.

    But I am a better man.

    Now as we continue on with this blog, I'll document my personal struggles, my studies on stoicism (and general philosophy), and then show their applications. All with the hope that we can better ourselves, and consequently, the world.

    So strap in. The knowledge we gain together will change our lives.